I do not sell my immortal horses!

"We're all stories in the end, let's make it a good one"

 9 th doctor: who am I to argue with history? 

 Rose: usually the first in line 

 "Some people live more in twenty years then others do in eighty. it's not the time that matters. It's the person" 

something to brighten your day:

Don't worry about what other people think....they don't do it very often

dear karma, i have a list of people you missed

when someone tells you nothings impossible tell them to nail jello to a tree

if you don't pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?

dear algebra, stop asking us to find your ex. she is not coming back. Sincerely, frustrated math students

once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. 

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? 

if at first you dont sucsseed destroy all evidence youve ever tried

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Some people just need a high five............in the face................with a chair. 

 Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what's your plan? Sincerely, not very well thought out. 

That mini heart attack when you miss a step on the stairs. 

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? 

Dear math, I'm not a therapist. solve your own problems.

 HOW TO GET KICKED OUT OF STORES.... Hide in the bathroom stall, & when someone opens the door, say, "Welcome to Narnia." 

When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell them to go slam a revolving door.

 Dear life, when I said can my day get any worse...it was a rhetorical question not a challenge. 

Don't get mad when your neighbour has loud music on at 2 am. Call him up at 4 am and tell him how much you loved it. 

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. 

The next time someone says "Paper beats Rock" I will throw a rock at their face while they hold up a sheet of paper. 

"Would you like a table?".. "No I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, carpet for five please".

 That millisecond your sure your going to die when you lean back in your chair a little to far. 

 A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. 

Never knock on death's door, ring the bell and run away, death really hates that. 

I am not retreating, I am advancing in a different direction! 

Newscasters are the only people that tell you good evening and then proceed to tell you why it is not. 

 Boys are like Slinkys, pointless but fun to watch fall down the stairs. 

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. 

Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk but they spend the other half telling us to sit down and shut up! 

I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I’m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich? 

I don’t understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I’m trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.